From the beginning...

Hi All,

 

Most of my friends know me well enough to know that I'm a quiet person for the most part, but that I can be open when I want to be. Well, I've decided to be open with everyone here not only as a coping mechanism for myself, but also to keep you all informed on what goes on in the life of someone with my condition. I hope this will be an experience that will make us all laugh, cry, and want to live life to the fullest.

I'll just start from the beginning. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, specifically bipolar II, when I was 18. For those of you who do not know much about this condition, bipolar II is mostly a depressive condition, with no manic episodes. Most people would see this as a curse on their life, but I saw it as a blessing because I was originally misdiagnosed. Twice. I was placed on several different medications that affected my life in various ways, mostly negative.

When I was finally diagnosed, I realized that I had could actually start life anew. I might be able to fix relationships that I had destroyed through my depression, get myself back in shape, and make my own mind a better place.

Sadly, I still have not reached all of my goals, but I continue to work on them, day-by-day. Because that's what this condition is. It's a day-by-day battle, an uphill climb.

Since then, I have been through a ton of life trials (life many college students), and have also been diagnosed with bipolar I (meaning that I have manic episodes in addition to depressive episodes). I am now back at school, a junior at Penn State University (ROAR LIONS ROAR). It's been an emotional time. Being back here on the old stomping grounds, getting into the swing of classes, and connecting with new and old friends has had both a positive and negative strain on me.

This past weekend, I was feeling depressed. Most people that don't have the condition cannot place themselves in your shoes, so they say "Just think happy thoughts and that'll go away!" Yeah, real simple. The problem with depression brought on by bipolar is that it is a mental illness, not just a state of thought. You can't just think happy thoughts and make it go away entirely. I wish it were true, but it's not. Happy thoughts help, but they do not solve the whole issue.

This depression that I was experiencing turned into rapid pacing and hyperness. I knew within a few hours I was in a manic episode of some kind (not full-on manic, but some kind of high). I only slept for three hours that night, was still awake the next morning, then crashed during one of my classes. I ended up skipping a class for a psychiatrist appt, and another to sleep for two and a half hours.

I'm hoping with this blog that I can keep you all up-to-date on what's happening in my present, with maybe a sprinkle of past experiences thrown in. Please keep reading, and take care of yourselves.

 

Best,

Ben P.