Hi All,
Due to some concern from "outside influences," I will be temporarily discontinuing the blog. Sorry to disappoint anyone who has actually been reading.
Hoping the best for everyone out there. Peace out.
Best,
Ben P.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Broken like porcelain...
Hi All,
I apologize for the lack of anything here for the past few days, but I've been hesitant about sharing what's been going on. But I think I need to share. There's no sense in hiding what's happening because it only harms me by keeping it in. And besides, my story should be told. It could help others for all I know.
This past week I was in a major slump. What started it was that I forgot a morning's worth of medication (which is actually a decent amount). From there, I got worse. I originally just felt sad and lost, but then I became angry, confused, morose, and, worst of all, I wanted to die.
By Wednesday night, I was standing in my bathroom with a bottle of Tylenol, debating on what to do with my life. Finally, I must have seen a glimmer of hope, for I put the bottle back and went to bed.
I don't know what's bothering me. School, friends, family, relationships (or lack of). It all came together. All I know is that I realized that night that life is worth living and things could be a hell of a lot worse. There is always hope, whether you know it or not.
I'm okay now, guys. Please don't worry about me. I just wanted to share this because I wanted to show that I'm not entirely off the grid, and also because maybe someone will benefit from knowing that if I can find hope, then anyone can.
Peace out, guys, and be safe.
Best,
Ben P.
I apologize for the lack of anything here for the past few days, but I've been hesitant about sharing what's been going on. But I think I need to share. There's no sense in hiding what's happening because it only harms me by keeping it in. And besides, my story should be told. It could help others for all I know.
This past week I was in a major slump. What started it was that I forgot a morning's worth of medication (which is actually a decent amount). From there, I got worse. I originally just felt sad and lost, but then I became angry, confused, morose, and, worst of all, I wanted to die.
By Wednesday night, I was standing in my bathroom with a bottle of Tylenol, debating on what to do with my life. Finally, I must have seen a glimmer of hope, for I put the bottle back and went to bed.
I don't know what's bothering me. School, friends, family, relationships (or lack of). It all came together. All I know is that I realized that night that life is worth living and things could be a hell of a lot worse. There is always hope, whether you know it or not.
I'm okay now, guys. Please don't worry about me. I just wanted to share this because I wanted to show that I'm not entirely off the grid, and also because maybe someone will benefit from knowing that if I can find hope, then anyone can.
Peace out, guys, and be safe.
Best,
Ben P.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
A trip down Memory Lane...
Hi All,
Today's blog post is not about me (entirely), but is dedicated to two people who are very special to me, even in death. I hope you are able to bare with me as I reminisce.
I was talking with a relative on my mom's side of the family, and we got to talking about my grandparents, both of whom have passed. I didn't know them all too well because they had moved to Florida when I was very young. But when the family realized that Gram had developed Alzheimer's, and Pop-Pop (our name for my grandfather) couldn't take care of her himself (Damn it, I'm tearing up just writing this), they moved up to Pennsylvania so that my parents and a few other relatives could help care for her.
Before they moved up, I didn't know either of them well. Gram loved kids, but Pop-Pop was kind of standoff-ish when it came to them. It took 15 years to finally establish some form of connection with him. Talking about his time in WWII, spending an hour trying to figure out how to work their two loungers, and trying to find ways to keep ourselves together while we watched Gram get worse. And then he got sick, and passed a few months later. Gram had just lost her husband of over 60 years and she had no idea.
Gram lived in a nursing home for a few months by herself. She was not doing well. Mom and dad decided that it would be best if she came to live with us. At the time, this was the worst 13 months of my life. My parents' attention went entirely to Gram, and I felt ignored. I became depressed. I tried to tell my parents, but both of them brushed it off. I continued to suffer in silence as my parents became more stressed with our home situation. Finally, it became too much and Gram was placed in a nursing home again. Over time she got worse and passed on (Still getting teary-eyed).
I hated Gram, but then I felt guilty for not only that, but for not visiting her in her final months. I regret that to this day, and I probably will for a long time to come. But I can still cherish the memories of her. Homemade roast beef, humming "Over There," her sitting outside in a lawn chair enjoyng a Spring day. I think that what I remember most is how sweet and sociable she had become in her last couple of years.
So Gram and Pop-Pop, thank you for the memories. You will continue to live on in them (Damn it, here come the tears).
Best,
Ben P.
Today's blog post is not about me (entirely), but is dedicated to two people who are very special to me, even in death. I hope you are able to bare with me as I reminisce.
I was talking with a relative on my mom's side of the family, and we got to talking about my grandparents, both of whom have passed. I didn't know them all too well because they had moved to Florida when I was very young. But when the family realized that Gram had developed Alzheimer's, and Pop-Pop (our name for my grandfather) couldn't take care of her himself (Damn it, I'm tearing up just writing this), they moved up to Pennsylvania so that my parents and a few other relatives could help care for her.
Before they moved up, I didn't know either of them well. Gram loved kids, but Pop-Pop was kind of standoff-ish when it came to them. It took 15 years to finally establish some form of connection with him. Talking about his time in WWII, spending an hour trying to figure out how to work their two loungers, and trying to find ways to keep ourselves together while we watched Gram get worse. And then he got sick, and passed a few months later. Gram had just lost her husband of over 60 years and she had no idea.
Gram lived in a nursing home for a few months by herself. She was not doing well. Mom and dad decided that it would be best if she came to live with us. At the time, this was the worst 13 months of my life. My parents' attention went entirely to Gram, and I felt ignored. I became depressed. I tried to tell my parents, but both of them brushed it off. I continued to suffer in silence as my parents became more stressed with our home situation. Finally, it became too much and Gram was placed in a nursing home again. Over time she got worse and passed on (Still getting teary-eyed).
I hated Gram, but then I felt guilty for not only that, but for not visiting her in her final months. I regret that to this day, and I probably will for a long time to come. But I can still cherish the memories of her. Homemade roast beef, humming "Over There," her sitting outside in a lawn chair enjoyng a Spring day. I think that what I remember most is how sweet and sociable she had become in her last couple of years.
So Gram and Pop-Pop, thank you for the memories. You will continue to live on in them (Damn it, here come the tears).
Best,
Ben P.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)